mylifeinspain

zen sausage

[NaBloPoMo has a new monthly topic---HA!---and seeing as I can never remember a joke, I decided to sign up. :-)]

Said the Buddhist to the hot dog vendor: "Make me one with everything."

---From Comedy Central

:-D

hasta mañana,
mylifeinspain

the millionaire joke

[NaBloPoMo has a new monthly topic---HA!---and seeing as I can never remember a joke, I decided to sign up. :-)]

Another one from our neighbor:

Mick appeared on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and toward the end of the program had already won 500,000 pounds.

"You've done very well so far," said, Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter, "but for a million pounds you've only got one lifeline left---phone a friend. Everything is riding on this question......will you go for it?"

"Sure," said Mick. "I'll have a go!"

"Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest?"
A: Sparrow
B: Thrush
C: Magpie
D: Cuckoo

"I haven't got a clue," said Mick, "so I'll use me last lifeline and phone my friend Paddy back home in Dublin." Mick called up his mate, and told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him.

"Bloody hell, Mick!" cried Paddy. "That's simple. It's a cuckoo."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm certain sure."

Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, "I'll go with cuckoo as my answer."

"Is that your final answer?" asked Chris.

"That it is, Sir."

There was a long, long pause, and then the presenter screamed, "Cuckoo is the correct answer! Mick, you've won 1 million pounds!"

The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a drink.

"Tell me, Paddy? How in heaven's name did you know it was the cuckoo that doesn't build its own nest?"

"Because he lives in a bloody clock, now doesn't he?!!!"

Have a great weekend, everyone. TGIF!

hasta pronto,
mylifeinspain

4 years ago: No entry.
3 years ago: No entry.
2 years ago: Tuesday morning brain dump
1 year ago: No entry.

MS grammar check fun

[NaBloPoMo has a new monthly topic---HA!---and seeing as I can never remember a joke, I decided to sign up. :-)]

"inhibitorier", really? Really?!!! Apparently so because Microsoft also likes "inhibitoriest" a little further along in the same article....

Is it any wonder why so many mistakes appear in print these days? :-D

hasta mañana,

mylifeinspain

4 years ago: Vinegar

3 years ago: No entry.

2 years ago: Foto Friday

1 year ago: No entry.

this face

[NaBloPoMo has a new monthly topic---HA!---and seeing as I can never remember a joke, I decided to sign up. :-)]

This face makes us laugh just about every day. :-)

Have a great weekend!

Hasta pronto,
mylifeinspain

racists and lightbulbs

[NaBloPoMo has a new monthly topic---HA!---and seeing as I can never remember a joke, I decided to sign up. :-)]

How many racists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None -- they don't want to be enlightened!

(From Comedy Central)

4 years ago: Happy Friday/expat voter info
3 years ago: No entry.
2 years ago: No entry.
1 year ago: No entry.

doh!

[NaBloPoMo has a new monthly topic---HA!---and seeing as I can never remember a joke, I decided to sign up. :-)]

(Photo: Miguel Artime)

From RTÉ News:

A one euro coin has turned up in Spain bearing the face of cartoon couch potato Homer Simpson instead of that of the country's king.

Spanish sweetshop owner Jose Martinez was counting the cash in his till in the city of Aviles when he came across the coin where Homer's bald head, big eyes and big nose had replaced the serious features of King Juan Carlos.

'The coin must have been done by a professional, the work is impressive,' he said.

The comical carver had not taken his tools to the other side of the coin displaying the map of Europe. So far, no other coins of the hapless, beer-swilling oaf have been found in circulation.

'I've been offered 20 euros for it,' said Mr Martinez.

hasta pronto,

mylifeinspain

4 years ago: Back to school
3 years ago: No entry.
2 years ago: No entry.
1 year ago: No entry.

continuing with the HA theme

[NaBloPoMo has a new monthly topic---HA!---and seeing as I can never remember a joke, I decided to sign up. :-)]

Q: Why did the doctor ask for a red crayon?

A: He needed to draw blood.

---Elisabeth R. of Coralville, Iowa, submitted to "A Prairie Home Companion"

4 years ago: No entry.
3 years ago:No entry.
2 years ago: Friday fotos
1 year ago: No entry.

tgif, tgif, tgif!!!

[NaBloPoMo has a new monthly topic---HA!---and seeing as I can never remember a joke, I decided to sign up. :-)]

I am finally recovering from one of the suckiest colds I have had in a long time; even my (former) BFF Vicks VapoRub turned on me and gave me a rash all over my neck and chest, which has never happened before! But in a week with few laughs, this made me smile. :-)

The actual text can be found here if you are interested, not that the real response was much better.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

hasta pronto,
mylifeinspain

payback

So the joke is on me apparently, as I have been planted on the sofa for the past three days, alternating between German homeopathic teas and Hot Coldrex and my BFF, Vicks VapoRub. That is when I'm not inhaling Olbas oil and defrosting a Big Jim-prepared veggie curry from the freezer. The curry was great, but the rest, ugh. And rather than bore you with further whinging, just go read this Dooce entry from last week (what else is a sick person to do but read blogs). She says much of what I would say had I the energy and didn't need to worry about my blood pressure....

hasta pronto,
mylifeinspain

4 years ago: No entry.
3 years ago: No entry.
2 years ago: Chloe kitty, RIP
1 year ago: No entry.

in honor of grandmom's 97th birthday

[NaBloPoMo has a new monthly topic---HA!---and seeing as I can never remember a joke, I decided to sign up. :-)]

Signs that your grandparents are still sexually active:

(And no, she would not be offended. SHE'S the one who taught me classic expressions like "tent-raising" and stills refers to her lady bits as her "possible" [??!!!]. But for heaven's sake, don't visit her wearing just a tee shirt [which she hates] or the color purple [hates more], or you will seriously offend!)
 

• Pair of edible Depends found on the bedroom floor
• Grandpa grabs his crotch and complains loudly of "denture-burn"
• Grandmom found handcuffed to her walker
• Not only do you hear the bed squeaking but also joints
• Grandmom regularly looks at Grandpa's crotch and claps twice
• Grandmother starts baking Viagra-chip cookies
• Kraft-matic adjustable bed set for "doggy style"

And some suggestions for party games at the ALF later today:

• Musical recliners
• Spin the bottle of Mylanta
• Hide and go pee
• Simon says something incoherent
• Doc, Doc goose
• Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says bend over
• Kick the bucket
• 20 questions shouted into your good ear
• Pin the toupee on the bald guy
• Sag, you're It!

Besides, if you live 97 years and don't have a sense of humor and the ability to laugh at yourself (or a bad joke), it's going to be a LOOOOOONG 97 years! Which is why my family thought it hilarious that Grandmom pulled a cracker last Christmas with a purple paper crown. Which we, of course, made her wear the entire day. :-D

However, I don't think I will mention to her that the variety of roses Big Jim and I sent her are called "Majestic Sunset". But then again, maybe I will. ;-)

hasta mañana,
mylifeinspain

4 years ago: Happy birthday, grandmom
3 years ago: Happy birthday!
2 years ago: No entry.
1 year ago: Happy birthday, grandmom!